As everyone says, marriage is hard. We have discussed many times the struggles we have, but also how great it is to have a partner to explore this crazy world. We took some time over the past week to write some things we have learned in our marriages and are calling this post the BIG 6, as Sadie has been married 6 months and Jess has been married 6 years.
Married 6 Years
Jon and I have been married six years this September and oh what a ride it has been. There have been ups & downs and laughter & tears.
There are many things I have learned in the six years of marriage, but here a few of my favorites.
Time is a precious thing and the older you get the more you recognize it. Jon and I enjoy our time as a family and as a couple, but we also both value our own time. And that is ok. You have to do what is right for you and your family. Not everyone’s relationship has to be the same. I have learned that it is ok to take time to be by yourself and do things you enjoy.
Enjoying the Little Things
There are so many times that I plan these big, “perfect” outings or activities and they literally fail. No one has fun, everyone is tired, etc. We have all been there. Over the last six years, I have learned that some of best moments we have had together were just enjoying the small moments. Little things such as watching a game together, going to the farmer’s market, or spending some time working on a project together. It is the little things that mean the most.
Finding Common Goals
This may sound ridiculous, but one thing that has helped our marriage to grow is finding common goals. I am always surprised what we can do when the two of us are working on the same goal or project. Not all of the goals or projects are fun, but they are better when we are able to do them together.
Married 6 Months
It has officially only been 6 months since I married Tony but we have been together for 5 and a half years now. Even though we share a lot of memories and life changes sometimes it feels like we’ve known each other our whole lives and others like we’ve just met. I’ve already learned a lot from our adventure together but a few big things really stick out:
You’re Not Going to Love Every Change
Tony and I have both sacrificed for each other’s dreams and happiness. Since college, many of these sacrifices have been moving to places because the other wanted to to be happier or for better opportunities. We moved to LA after college because I wanted to see and be somewhere completely different than the Mid-west. Tony was okay with it but definitely voiced his distaste for LA life. We moved again, back to the Midwest to be closer to family. And when we both landed jobs that particularly didn’t have a future for either of us, Tony was on the hunt to find a place that we could grow with. At the time, I was tired of moving and loving the college town we had been living in. Moving again was the last thing I wanted, but when my husband got a job, I reluctantly packed up and we left. So far, it was the best choice we could have made for our sanity and our careers. I wasn’t happy about it at first, and felt sad that I was letting another person control so much of my life, but I figured out that that I wanted to be where he was and he would never take me a place that I wouldn’t thrive in.
Don’t Let Others Tell You How To Love Each Other
Everyone’s relationship is different, and that’s okay! We have friends who like to hang out with their friends without the other person. We know couples who, normally, like to do their own thing every night. Tony and I spend a lot of time together, and share a lot. And the thing is, it all works! We are all in love with our spouses and no one’s relationship is better than anyone else’s. So when it comes to your own relationship, do your love the way you want and what feels right to you two.
It’s Okay If Nothing Feels Different
For me, and many post-brides I know, there was no line in the sand before marriage and after marriage that marked a change in our relationship. In fact, we reflect back on our wedding weekend as an amazing celebration of us and love and one crazy party. I didn’t have any nervous feelings before or any regrets after. This may be different for other brides – Tony and I shared a lot of life changes together as a couple leading up to marriage and we lived together but it never felt not right. For all you future brides out there, don’t worry if you’re not worrying about the idea of marriage or your future together. If it feels right, than it is.